the church of happy thoughts
the one truly unorganized church
Twice in the last week I did something that is very hard for me to do. I don't exactly know why, don't exactly believe it matters. I'm one of those people about whom it could be said I've been on my own since the day I was born. Thinking about it at this moment.. I guess we all are.
I sent an email and a text this week, asking for help. One was emotional, I just needed someone on solid ground to simply tell me about their day. No drama. Just the facts. My life was at that moment seemingly a world of hurt. Swirling swirling. No where to turn. And I needed to know somewhere the trees were just growing, and the snow was just melting, and the day just rolled along. Sunrise, a ham sandwich, then sunset. Period.
So. I prayed. That the world I was in could be turned into another one. I didn't know how. I asked for the field. The one Rumi talked about: "Out beyond the ideas of right doing and wrong doing there is a field. I will meet you there." Whether anyone else was there or not, I needed to be there.
It was awkward to send the text. It was 3:00 in the morning. I thought about it for a few minutes before I hit send. But, as soon as I did, I had to let go. I had imagined the conversation, which was calming, so was transported to that place already. Sunrise. Ham sandwich. Sunset. The perfect day.
Out of my hands, into the hands of the gods. The field.
It Causes something. Something will happen. The world will be changed. Because mine is.
The second time, I asked for help with the realization of a desire, a miracle one, and a worthy one.
Funny. In both cases I didn't get a response... Hit Send Again, metaphorically. Let go of wondering. No wondering. No speculation. Those are the rules. Once you let go, you can't really take it back. That's the point. It was important to ask. And let it go. The magic is always in the question. The wisdom is in the unexpected answer. May the wisdom be always what we look for, and what we get.
Just ask the question. Which is always hard for me. Ask ME a question, and I'm most likely to come up with a damn good answer. That's who I am. But asking? No. That's a different thing. I don't like it. It makes me vulnerable. It's admitting a need I may be reluctant to accept.
I don't know who or what god is. And I don't pretend to. But, I do know this: When I let go, When I hit Send and it is out of my hands, into the vast unknown of possibility, I am never disappointed. Something does Change. When I ask, I trust that love is on the other end. But I never know what that is going to look like. That's the point of letting go.
Put the oars in the boat. And willingly go where the boat goes.
It is always downstream.
So. One more happy thought from the world of technology, magic and science, trust, belief and godness crossing over so perfectly in the field.
I love it when that happens.
There is that moment, I believe we've all felt it, before hitting Send. It maybe is a risk. You somehow know that after you do, Change is Gonna Come.
Not matter what.
It's best then, just to let go.
This morning I got a message from neither place I had sent questions, but from the very middle of the swirling.
They had looked for the field. And found it.
The very best answer.
The weight of the night before, gone.
Freedom.
To the boat then, my email friends in Thailand, Spain, Germany, Norway, Poland, Viet Nam, Ukraine, Turkey, the USA, whoever you are, wherever you are, just hit send.
and see what happens.
What a happy thought.
Julie
